Sutcliffe's Take
SUTCLIFFE: Open Casting Call: The Wacky Worlds of MMA and Lost Collide
Jun 17, 2010 - 10:11:33 AM SUTCLIFFE: Open Casting Call: The Wacky Worlds of MMA and Lost Collide

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By: Steve Sutcliffe, MMATorch Columnist

To commemorate the end to one of the most intriguing (and simultaneously frustrating) television shows in recent memory, Lost, I thought it would be a cool idea to have an entire column devoted to matching up MMA fighters with the cast of characters that inhabit that magical, mystical island. It's been some time since my last column and I didn't want to come back with a plain vanilla analysis of why Chuck Liddell's career is over or why Lesnar/Carwin is going to rule.

So I decided to do something different with this column. Although exercises such as this are oftentimes nothing more than trying to fit round blocks into square holes, I tried to do the match-ups based on actual concrete things like personalty more than anything else - I wanted to avoid stuff like pairing up Gina Carano and Kate - sure, they're both hot, but I don't think Gina is going to murder anyone and then run from the law the rest of her life, always moping for the camera.

Also nobody else besides fighters. At the very least, I hope you enjoy the comparisons. With advance apologies to J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, the cast members of Lost, the caterers and everyone else who holds this t.v. show close to their hearts, here's a completely not-so serious run-down of how the MMA world and the world of Lost matches up. A word of caution: the list is filled with (OMG!) "spoilers" - so if you haven't watched the season finale yet, do yourself a favor and skip this column - I'll save you the surprise that it was all just one long dream of Hurley's. Oops.

Royce Gracie as Jacob - I think it's safe to say without the Brazilian-Jiu Jitsu mastery of one Royce Gracie in the early days of the UFC, this sport would be dramatically different. I don't even want to speculate if the sport would have even survived the onslaught of negative press, state athletic commission banning and the like - that's a different column for a different day for a different columnist (read: smarter). And if Jacob would not have succeeded to become protector of the island, then none of the events depicted in Lost would have ever happened (which may arguably have saved six years of my adult life to be obsessed with something else, but I digress).

Ken Shamrock as the Man in Black - Royce Gracie's and Jacob's respective adversaries. Both have had dramatic falls from grace - Shamrock is a UFC Hall of Famer who turned around and sued the organization in a recently concluded losing court battle. He's repeatedly fought to itch to retire and was even scheduled to face off against Kimbo Slice until a cut from training the day of the bout changed Elite XC's plans, and wound up sealing their fate in the process. Then, after last year's victory over the late Ross Clifton, Shamrock tested positive for steroids.

On the other hand, the Man in Black was at one time his mother's favorite adopted son. But instead, the MiB became obsessed with getting off the island, provoking his mother to slaughter the entire village and prompting her son to extract revenge by returning the favor and killing her. Everyone knows the remainder of this tried and true tale: Jacob throws his brother into the light, turning the MiB into everyone's favorite black smoke monster to terrorize the island's inhabitants, and the rest his history.

Shamrock will always be remembered as being a pioneer in the sport, it's just hard to ignore the recent allegations against him and appreciate how skilled a fighter he truly was when you look at his recent record. And the Man in Black's true impact on Lost and his role in the whole battle between him and Jacob is difficult to objectify in light of all the people he's killed. What a heel.

Chuck Liddell as Jack - Protagonists to the very end, even if it costs them their lives or their careers. I think it's safe to say that Liddell's days in the UFC are over. But it came at the expense of five losses in six fights. At the same time, it took Jack numerous interminable seasons to become a "believer" in the island, and when he did truly believe, it wound up costing him his life in order to save the island.

But when the final curtain falls, we remember the positives rather than their flaws - Liddell as the most dominant Light Heavyweight Champion in UFC history, Jack as the one who time and time again served as the Lostie's leader. Did you know that at one point, they were considering casting Michael Keaton as Jack? Yeah, that would have sucked.

Rampage Jackson as Sawyer - Rough around the edges, always making jokes and jabs to their adversaries and even to their comrades, both Rampage and Sawyer at the end of the day have their softer sides and fight on the side of the good guys. We think. In any event, both are well versed in the realm of irreverent pop culture and even though they may sometimes make stupid, brash decisions, they are extremely likeable. Sure, Rampage is not exactly the world's best coach and Sawyer is not a model citizen on the island, but their character flaws are what makes them human.

Anderson Silva as Sayid - One is a skilled striker inside the octagon, the other a brutal torturer turned assassin. Both are highly effective in their respective lines of work. But then they have their moments of complete and utter frustration - Silva seemingly auditioning for Dancing with the Stars when he's bored against an opponent, making it harder and harder to defend his actions against critics; Sayid killing more people despite it getting him emotionally further and further away from his one true love Nadia (screw Shannnon, everyone knows Sayid was meant at the end to be with Nadia, island romance be damned!).

Lyoto Machida as Richard Alpert - Remember a year ago when everyone was going bananas for Machida Karate and how the MMA world was convinced this guy was going to clear out the light heavyweight division? There was an almost mysterious quality about him with his near Matrix-level technique of dodging his opponents attacks and employing leveraged counter-striking to finish fights.

And then you have Richard Alpert, a guy sporting natural eyeliner who never ages. Was he an Egyptian? A direct descendant of Jacob? Speculation always ran rampant throughout the Lost community about his origins. Turns out that Alpert was just a slave on a ship that crashed onto the island who was given the power to live forever when Jacob touched him.

At the end of the day, Alpert was just as confused as everyone else on what the heck was going on and had no real answers as to the island's mysteries. And Mauricio "Shogun" Rua answered the question of what happens when someone actually connects with a punch directly to Machida's face - he falls down. Mystery over.

Tito Ortiz as Ana Lucia - Every time Ana Lucia was on-screen, I wanted to hurl my remote as hard as I could at my t.v. set. And while I used to be a fan of the Huntington Beach Bad Boy, his speech about being injured after losing to Forrest Griffin despite insisting to everyone that he was 100% healthy got under my skin - which is odd, because I usually like the bad guy (maybe after all, this really is a compliment to Tito's ability to play a villain).

Nevertheless, they both completely rub people the wrong way and come off as self-righteous; I think Team Punishment is a fitting name for Tito's clothing line given that his last fight felt like being in detention. And Michelle Rodriguez's appearance in Avatar as a helicopter pilot with a heart of gold was enough to make me root for the dude from Boiler Room and the evil U.S. government, errr... evil corporation that employed the dude from Boiler Room. Anyway, you get the point - both are jerks.

Roy Nelson as Hugo "Hurley" Reyes - Both guys are fat. But that's just scratching the surface - both are loners; Big Country spent most of his time on the Ultimate Fighter training by himself, believing that his past experiences in the IFL and various other organizations were more than enough to prepare him for the Octagon. Although Hurley had companions in Libbie and Charlie, his surfer meets spacer attitude and predisposition to seeing both dead and imaginary people oftentimes left him to his own little world. Appearances are deceiving - despite his pudgy exterior, Nelson is a top heavyweight with a surprising amount of cardio. And even though Hurley spent time in a mental institution, he has a unique connection with the island as evidence by his succession to Jack as protector of the island on the series finale.

Joe Lauzon and Dan Lauzon as Nikki and Paulo - Paulo lies, Dan Lauzon lies. Nobody cares about Nikki and Paulo. Nobody cares about Joe Lauzon and Dan Lauzon. Just kidding ;)

So there you have it, the first round of Lost/MMA mashups in the books. I think we can all agree there's still a wealth of characters and fighters that deserve to be mentioned (I'm looking at you Ed Soares and Ben Linus), but it's now time for me to re-watch the Pilot again so I can convince myself the writers knew what they were doing all along. See you next time!

Steve Sutcliffe is looking for a new television show to fill the void left by Lost. He heard that Flashforward had some promise until it was canceled. Send suggestions to steve.w.sutcliffe@gmail.com. People recommending Half Pint Brawlers need not apply.