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Alex Williams is a PhD student in clinical health psychology. Tom Suter is a PhD student in molecular biology. The lower the stakes, the pettier the arguments. This is Sayre's Law.
Tom: There's another UFC Fight Night around the corner, so you know what that means: ol' Tombo writing another Sayre's Law past midnight to stop Alex's deluge of pestering e-mails. To spice things up, we'll be doing 2-liner fight previews! Because, you know, two lines is of course enough for intelligent and in-depth analysis and discourse and analysis [Alex: And discourse. This is going to be a fun piece to respond to...].
But fear not! This isn't going to be your regular old set of shitty fight previews. You can google that stuff anywhere. Instead, for each fight, I'm going to write a random, semi-relevant, semi-coherent, stream-of-consciousness-esque thought for Alex to rebut (aka softballs). [Alex: My responses in the brackets.]
So, without further ado:
Shogun Rua vs. Chael Sonnen: Rua needs to be back on steroids. Have Vitor hook him up so that his fights don't turn into sloppy gas fests.
[Alex: On it. And speaking of illegal/quasi-legal uses of testosterone: when 23-year old Shogun was the Fighter of the Year and the top-rated 205 pounder in the world, and 28-year old Chael Sonnen was preparing to lose his UFC debut, who would have guessed that 8 years later a fight between them would not only be competitive on paper, but that Chael would be the favorite?]
Alistair Overeem vs. Travis Browne: Pre-injury, I had Browne winning against Bigfoot. A shame he's going against an Overeem who needs to put on a show.
[Alex: I'm glad Tom believes in the anti-Moneyball-esque proposition that Overeem will win because he needs to “put on a show,” as if he cares about victory significantly more than Browne and this supposed discrepancy in caring will meaningfully affect the outcome of the fight.]
Urijah Faber vs. Iuri Alcantara: If Faber loses, does he remove bones and drop to flyweight? While I'm hoping that that's impossible, it'll be interesting to see how "science" will allow even crazier weight cutting in the future.
[Alex: I remember when Kevin Randleman dropped from heavyweight so that he could be the “lion” of the 205 pound division. It's probably time for him vs. Faber at 115.]
Mike Pyle vs. Matt Brown: Can anyone remember the last champion who "likes to turn it into a streetfight"? Though the UFC's emphasis on excitement over winning creates an interesting catch-22 where fighters are forced into sub-optimal strategies.
[Alex: Is there anyone, in any combat sport, whose striking is as crude-yet-effective as Mike Pyle's? He makes Tyson Fury look like a skilled technician. I have a thing for “gym legends,” so I want Pyle to win, but I suspect Brown will take it.]
Uriah Hall vs. John Howard: Has anyone ever seen anyone pull off a drop kick in a UFC fight? That would be badass (argue that one, Alex!).
[Alex: What? And Minowa dropkicked Butterbean in Pride.]
Joe Lauzon vs. Michael Johnson: So, let's say the guy your fighting has his last five victories all coming from submission. Under what circumstances do you ever go to the ground with him?
[Alex: If you're Sakuraba. Or if your opponent is Shannon “The Cannon” Ritch. Or the stars align again and both occur at the same time.]
Mike McDonald vs. Brad Pickett: Welterweight is the deepest division in the sport. Discuss (yeah, it's relevant to this fight, asshole).
[Alex: I think Tom knows these two aren't welterweights, but it's the uncertainty that makes me glad he's never taken up Rich Hansen's offer to serve on the Torch Rankings Panel.]
Conor McGregor vs. Max Holloway: Will western Europe's embarrassing grappling lead to them actually learning how to wrestle? Or will the UFC instead adjust their matchmaking to striker v. striker to expand its markets?
[Alex: Just let them Stand & Wang, bro.]
Mike Brown vs. Steven Siler: Who has the best chest-tat in MMA's past or present (OR FUTURE?!?!?!)? And whose is most phallic?
[Alex: Hey, Mike Brown's alive! And as for the questions, I always look for ways to end Sayre's Law with a Brock Lesnar reference.]
Jamie Penick, editor-in-chief
(mmatorcheditor@gmail.com)
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