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By Rich Hansen, MMA Torch Columnist
BELLATOR 86
JANUARY 24, 2013
LIVE FROM THACKERVILLE, OK
Week 2 of Bellator's eight season is upon us. And the theme of the night is Cujo. That's right, massive dogs all over the place.
In the first of our two welterweight tournament quarterfinal fights, Koffi Adzitso finds himself as the smallest dog of the night, at +325 to veteran Ben Saunders. And in the other welterweight tournament fight Michail Tsarev is sitting at +515 against former #1 contender Douglas Lima.
In the light heavyweight division, Muhammed Lawal makes his bipolar TNA Bellator MMA debut against someone named Przemyslaw Mysiala, who is sitting at a whopping +1565 right now. Not to get too Inside Baseball here, but the whole reason we didn't have our weekly MMA Torch Tuesday Night Live cast was because all three of us (Jamie Penick, Matt Pelkey, and I) refused to take a chance on pronouncing Przemyslaw Mysiala.
And in our main event, The Funky One Ben Askren defends his welterweight title against Karl Amoussou, who is currently +700.
Bellator: The toughest tournament in sports, once you get past the cakewalk of a first round.
FIGHT ONE: BEN SAUNDERS VS. KOFFI ADZITSO
ROUND ONE: Kerry Hatley is in charge of the action in tonight's first televised fight. Saunders presses Adzitso into the fence. Adzitso spins and tries for a leg trip. His first attempt fails, but he does eventually get Saunders down, but neither fighter has dominant position. good scramble, and Adzitso is on top, but his arm is trapped. Saunders working for a triangle, and Adzitso's left arm is flapping out there. Saunders loses the triangle, but he's got a half rubber guard position. And for context, you can't hear individual fan comments this week because you can't hear any fans. Just sayin'. Saunders' rubber guard has totally neutered Adzitso's offense here. Saunders finally loses the rubber guard, but then gets it back. Stand-up from Kerry Hatley with 1:30 remaining. Saunders lands a kick and a knee as Adzitso tries to catch the kick. Saunders gets a takedown, up against the fence. Saunders is able to land the occasional punch to the ribs. Hatley stands them up with 20 seconds left. Big knee by Saunders near the end of the round. 10-9 Saunders
ROUND TWO: Saunders misses with a high kick bit manages to get Adzitso down and lands a big right hand. Saunders standing, in guard, and Saunders dives into the guard. Saunders lightly peppering the ribs trying to soften up his opponent. Saunders trying to get to his feet, but jumps back into the guard, unable to posture up yet. Hatley with a bad standup. Saunders was busy there. Saunders lands a few high kicks from the outside, but Adzitso manages to get in as Saunders recoils and presses Saunders into the cage with a single leg. Saunders is holding a kimura position here. Hatley tells the fighters to do something as Adzitso throws Saunders down. Saunders with a triangle attempt, reverses to omaplata. It's not there, so now we're back to rubber guard. Adzitso escapes briefly into closed guard, but Saunders is constantly working for a triangle. Hatley stands them up as Saunders looks for a triangle. Body kick from the outside by Saunders, and he presses Adzitso into the fence. Adzitso reverses, looking for a single leg as Saunders grabs for a kimura. Nice switch by Saunnders and he's got Adzitso on all fours now. Nice knees to the body by Saunders as Adzitso gets up. This fight is awful. 20-18 Saunders
ROUND THREE: Everytime Saunders gets anything going off his back, Hatley stands him up. this fight sucks, but it isn't the fault of the fighters. Adzitso has a single leg against the fence, Saunders holds a kimura position, and uses it to get on top of Adzitso. Saunders can't throw elbows because it's a Bellator tournament, and gets warned by Hatley for doing just that. Saunders in guard, throwing left and right punches whenever Adzitso loses wrist control. Saunders is working constantly, so expect a stand-up any time now. Saunders postures up, and lands a heavy right hand. And another. Adzitso can't move because his head is trapped against the cage. Saunders dives back in and gets to half-guard. Adzitso briefly got to seated, but Saunders pulled him back down. For like 5 seconds. Adzitso gets up and throws Saunders with a belly to back suplex. Unfortunately, Saunders landed on Adzitso's face. Whoops! Both fighters back up, and Saunders gets him back down, to full mount. Ben Saunders' corner man sounds JUST like Mick from Rocky. Uncanny. 30 seconds left, and Saunders has this in the bag. It's over. 30-27 Saunders
WINNER: Ben Saunders by unanimous decision 30-27, 30-27, 30-27
FINAL THOUGHTS AND STAR RATING: (*) That was horrible. Adzitso and Hatley stymied Saunders thoroughly.
FIGHT TWO: DOUGLAS LIMA VS. MIKHAIL TSAREV
- The way the brackets lay out, the winner of this fight faces Ben Saunders. I can only assume they were laid in in such a manner as to avoid another Lima vs. Saunders final.
- Tsarev comes in with a five inch reach advantage, despite being two inches shorter than Lima.
ROUND ONE: Jason Herzog has drawn the assignement for this fight. Can't do any worse than Hatley did last fight. 30 seconds of circling. Tsarez shoots a single and eats a slew of punches to the back of the head. Lima's avoiding the takedown along the fence so far, despite Tsarev not letting go of Lima's left leg. Lima continues to pepper the back of the head, because you know, that's legal now. Tsarev gets Lima down, but Lima rolls through and winds up on top, in full guard. Tsarev literally held that single for almost two full minutes. Lima spends a full minute doing absolutely nothing, knowing that Tsarev is a submission guy. Herzog stands them up. Lima and Tsarev trade feints, which is all the offense we've seen so far. more feints. I'm going to faint from boredom. Good thing I'm seated. Tsarev feints a right high kick, but the feint missed and landed on Lima's armpit. Missed leg kick feint by Lima, which instead landed on Tsarev's leg. That one, snark aside, was solid. 10-9 Lima Incomprehensibly bad.
ROUND TWO: Tsarev took a leg kick as the round ended, and he was seen limping in between rounds. Lima lands a follow-up leg kick 10 seconds into round two, and Tsarev dropped. Lima backs off and lets Tsarev stand. Another leg kick knockdown. And another. Tsarev gets back to his feet, or should I say foot. He's not putting any weight on his left leg. Jason Herzog needs to stop this fight. Another leg kick knockdown. What in the hell is Herzog doing? Herzog is asking Tsarev, who doesn't speak English, if he wants to continue. Herzog just stopped the fight.
WINNER: Douglas Lima by TKO at 1:44 of round 2
FINAL THOUGHTS AND STAR RATING: (*) Clearly I was being a bit of a snot throughout the end of the first round, because The damage that we saw in round 2 was started in round 1. It wasn't like just the kick at the first round was the only leg kick Lima landed in the entire first round. That said, this was another awful fight.
FIGHT THREE: MUHAMMED LAWAL VS. PRZEMYSLAW MYSIALA
- Lawal is -2700. You'll excuse me in advance if I don't take this fight seriously. Lawal also has a six inch reach advantage. Lawal seems like a good and smart dude, but lets face it, he dodged competition, there aint no two ways around that fact.
ROUND ONE: Keryr Hatley is the referee. the fight starts with Hatley telling them to go to war, and then he orders everyone in the stands to get off their lazy asses and work. Mysiala charges in and lands a nice left hook. Lawal wth a jab to the body. Mysiala misses with a Leonard Garcia windmill hook. Lawal lands to the nose of Mysiala, and he's bleeding already. Lawal lands a really stiff jab that staggered Mysiala. Lawal being very patient here. Hatley is just DYING to tell them to work, if only a body part other than their feet would touch the mat. If only. If only (Queens of the Stone Age reference). Mysiala's nose is a spigot right now. Lawal with another left jab. And another. Mysiala has defense worse than the Packers in the playoffs. Mysiala's bleeding so much his right arm is red now. Mysiala is missing wild hooks like crazy. Lawal's doing nothing but jabbing, but he needs to do nothing else. OK, and he's landing a big right uppercut to the chin that drops Mysiala and ends the fight. Mysiala's head never hit the canvas, but Lawal posed, and Mysiala was a joke opponent, so Herzog stopped the fight that should never have been booked in the first place. Congratulations Mr. Lawal, you're soon to be the champion of the crappiest division in the entire sport. all hail the King of the Turds!
WINNER: Muhammed Lawal by inevitability.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND STAR RATING: Seriously, what do you think I think? (0*) Look, Lawal looks good, but his technique is god-awful, and as long as he's fighting stuff he wouldn't bother to scrape off the bottom of the shoes, he has no motivation to improve. Fight someone in the top 1000 of the division, and then maybe I'll give a damn about you, sir.
FIGHT FOUR: BEN ASKREN VS. KARL AMOUSSOU
ROUND ONE: Jason Herzog is the referee for this title fight. Which bodes better for Askren than if Hatley were in there. Amoussou lands a straight right early. Amoussou with a kick, and he's on his back just like that. Why in the heck would anyone ever kick at Askren. Anyhow, full guard. Amoussou looking to sweep. Askren postures up and lands a sharp elbow. Amoussou's looking for an arm, but it's not there. 12 to 6 elbow from Amoussou, no warning. Askren with 3 big elbows. Another right elbow by Askren. Amoussou almost pushed Askren off of him, but Askren regains his position and gets back in the guard. Amoussou lands a couple straight rights from the bottom. Amoussou continues to throw from the bottom. Amoussou with a couple swinging right elbow strikes. Askren with wrist control from the top, then unloads a couple of quick elbows. Amoussou's cut over the left eye. Yeah, I smell a 50-45 coming. Three of em, actually. Anyhoo, more elbows from Askren. Amoussou looking for an armbar again, but Askren pulled away from it easily. One minute remains. Spike TV gave us a nice 10 second shot of the back of the referee's shirt, that was cool! Another series of elbows from Amoussou, who's really bloody now. Aksren is showing more offense from the guard than usual. 10-9 Askren FUNK!
ROUND TWO: Amoussou comes out kicking, and didn't get taken down. Good job, Karl! Askren lands a right hand. Well done. Askren shoots, Amoussou scrambles, and Askren is on his back now. Amoussou rolls for the inverted heel hook, loses the invert, and loses the heel hook. Amoussou was looking at the ref when he lost the hook. the submission wasn't close, he took his focus off of Askren, and now he can focus on being on his back for 4 minutes. Askren's on top. Stupid decision by Amoussou. Just get your 10-9 out here now. Amoussou's getting peppered like a really good steak. And considering the shiners he's going to have tomorrow, he should be in the market for a good steak tomorrow. Askren's in half-guard, and now has mount. Back to half-guard. The workd's oxygen supply has been depleted by 19%, solely because of Karl Amoussou's gasping for air now. This fight might not make it out of the second round. Amoussou's about as useless on the ground as anyone I've ever seen. Askren's looking at a 10-7 here. This is a bloody slaughter, and I mean Bloody both literally and Britishly. 10-8 Askren. 20-17 Askren The brief heel hook saved Amoussou from a 10-7 card.
ROUND THREE: The doctor almost stopped the fight between rounds. The doctor told the referee to keep an eye on the cuts. Amoussou lands a hard right, and gets clinched. No takedown, and they separate. Askren shoots again, and gets the takedown in the middle of the cage. 23 seconds in. Well done, Amoussou! Half-guard. Askren, elbows, Amoussou, blood, etc. Askren landed nine consecutive right hands to the nose of Amoussou. Askren could fight blindfolded and win this fight. He could cut off half of his right arm and win this fight. Not like Dana's signing him anyhow. More elbows. More blood. Spike just placed a graphic on the screen; Amoussou has been on his back for 11:22 of the first 13:00 of the fight. Which, to be fair, was the exact amount of time everyone outside of ATT thought Amoussou would be on his back. askren to mount, because, why not? the doctor won't let this go to a fourth round, so go for the finish, why not? 10-8 Askren, 30-25 Askren FUNK FUNK FUNK!
- The doctor stopped the fight. Had he not stopped the fight, he would have bene the most cruel man ever. This was one of the biggest slaughters I've seen in a long time.
WINNER: Ben Askren by TKO at the end of round 3.
FINAL THOUGHTS AND STAR RATING: (********)
Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk
Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk (let us in we'll tear this mother out
We gotta have that funk
Gotta love George Clinton and Parliament!
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