Gabe "Godzilla" Ruediger was a participant on The Ultimate Fighter 5, which airs Thursday nights at 10 p.m. on Spike TV. In this complete TUF 5 diary, an MMATorch exclusive, Ruediger will be giving us his weekly reaction to the show. Keep checking back each week after every TUF 5 episode to read Ruediger's insider viewpoint and get a behind-the-scenes perspective from the most controversial fighter this season. Even though you won't be seeing him on Spike TV on Thursday nights anymore, you can still read his thoughts on the show every Friday here at MMATorch.       

Updated Friday, May 18, 2007 - 2:25 p.m.

Episode 7

Dana talks to BJ. He feels it is BJ that is at fault. It wasn't his fault. Everyone of us is a pro and it was up to us. I think when BJ held the meeting, he needed to make a statement. I know that BJ, his coaches and Andy were at odds after his fight. I don’t think it was helpful in any way, but after Dana’s talk, BJ had to make a statement.

Rob decides to have fun. I remember hearing about Rob’s change of pace after losing his fight against Cory. He was drinking Bloody Marys and beers at practice and just having fun. I don’t blame him. That house was misery and after two chances, he pretty much knew his time was done. It was better than sitting and being miserable.

It was good of Jens to let Andy on his team. It was strange for there to be any issue about Andy being upset with it.

The picks. It was pretty obvious where the picks were going. The Wiman and Marlon fight was one that I felt was a battle of the two of the guys in the house I disliked the most. It was a shame to see either one of them advance.

I thought Gray was one of the best guys on either team. I knew it was going to be a walk through. His wrestling and ability was just too much for Weems. Gray's first punch lands and he gets the takedown. It's basically over for Wayne at the point. I felt Gray's guillotine and Weems had to have been uncomfortable. He let go and just unloaded. I liked Wayne and it sucked to see him get manhandled like that. Gray was just on another level.

Wiman and Marlon. Mr completely humiliated? For all of his big talk, he got DROPPED. I just wish it was someone else that got to do it. Wiman has NEVER finished anyone from a punch. His record of wins is against fighters that are 0-1. Okay, I'm not a Wiman fan (can I please fight him already?) It was enjoyable to hear more of Marlon's crap before his fight. Let's see, a punch drops him, Wiman takes the back and chokes him into unconsciousness in less than a minute. Indestructible? Not so much. Luck? He said he has never been knocked out by a human. LOL!

Gabe Ruediger can be contacted through his website at www.gabegodzilla.com or his MySpace page at www.myspace.com/gabegodzilla.

Updated Friday, May 11, 2007 - 12:24 p.m.

Jens made a decision to keep control and his first two choices proved that. Two of his better guys against the two greenest guys on ours. He was running out of key players and his last match-ups showed that. What Dana said about Joe Lauzon was right. He looks and acts like an internet nerd, but the kid is as tough as they come. I didn't think much of Joe's ability until I got to train with him. Very scrappy and always willing to learn. I was NOT so impressed with Brian Geraghty and their fight showed why. He had nothing. He had a bunch of fights, but NEVER fought anyone on the level. I was told about the fights and it was zero surprise that Joe won.

I was glad that if I was leaving that Emerson got another shot. He was the guy on our team that I felt had the best ability. I said from the get go, that his biggest problem was not letting it go. Corey once again did his antics. I truly felt bad that he made weight and I wasn’t able to. I would have liked to fight him, because I ALWAYS let go. 2 fights?! And amateur at that. Come on, that is just ridiculous. That’s almost as bad as coming in 22 pounds heavy!.....wait, never mind. Emerson should have gone right through that kid.

I didn't realize how freakish Corey looks until watching this fight. He used his reach to his advantage, and it worked really well. Em was just too hesitant. I really hope he gets over that, because Emerson is really a talented and phenomenal fighter. After watching the fight, it adds to my thought, that I would have beat Corey. It sucks, that choices I made won't prove that fact however.

Updated Friday, May 4, 2007 - 8:18 p.m.

The last Episode of “The Gabe Ruediger show.”

Tony roughs up Noah. Tony was pretty serious and was constantly on edge. It's kind of strange because of how much of a jokester BJ is. Tony was grappling with Noah and decided to “teach him a lesson”. He basically pinned Noah and slapped him. Noah got really upset and there was a back and forth yelling match. It was bound to happen at some point, because Noah and Tony had “words” on different occasions.

The Cake. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten it, but I did. It WAS however right after Emerson fought and not when I was called out. I DID snack WAY more than I should have. With boredom and the “NOT REAL” feel of the house/show, it was very easy to get distracted from what I was there for. You would think that in a house of fighters and no distractions it would be easy, but it was the opposite. I really made an error and I paid for it. Instead of doing what I’ve decided to do for a living, I allowed being on TV get to me.

Picked by Corey. I knew Corey was going to pick me. Initially I thought I was going to fight Melendez, but after they picked Andy I knew that the match up for me was Corey. Why did they wait as long as they did? I'm not sure, Jens will say that I wasn’t a threat, but I think they wanted more time for Corey to get prepared.

Cutting weight. A little known fact, I got sick the day before the fight pick announcement. My roomate in the house, Noah, got strep throat and the day after, I came down with the same symptoms. I was on antibiotics and trying to fight off the cold. In fact my night before interview, the producers asked if making weight was an issue. I said, “I'll make the weight, it's this sickness that I'm worried about.” I cut 10 lbs on the first day.  It might have been a bit more nonchalant than I should have been, but I was trying to fight off the cold and drop weight without really draining myself. The day of weigh-ins I woke up feeling like shit. I went into the gym and I just didn’t have it. Tony suggested I get a sweat going and then get under some towels to “hot box" it. After over an hour and only 1 pound coming off, BJ said we should go to the sauna. We got in the sauna and the cut already felt worse than it ever has before. I’ve cut that much weight before, and it's NEVER been a problem. At 159 I hit the wall. I lost belief in myself and it was a huge mental lapse. I had to have a serious talk with myself and will myself back into the sauna. Thankfully Gray was right there with me. For all the bullshit I pulled, I have to thank him for putting up with me. I remember getting in the sauna and then.........waking up in the ambulance. I don’t remember getting on the bike or ANYTHING until the paramedics had an IV going and I was in the ambulance. Watching the portion when I was dragged out, I probably was about on weight from the crying LOL.

Walking back into the house was REALLY hard. I knew I had made a major error and I knew that I let my team down, but the backlash was BAD. EVERYONE, even those I was friends with were mad, and rightfully so. I let BJ and his coaches down, my teammates, the other team, and worse myself down. It made for a rough night. I didn’t hear anyone’s little jokes and watching it was like watching sorority girls all giddy because they got asked to the formal. I bet Brian and Matt had a great time at the dance together.

The cut up of the last confessional. My last confessional was cut up into segments. Its weird seeing it like that. The one producer that I was close with, really drove out the emotion. She looked me dead in the eyes and made me talk directly to her.

Dana’s speech. The night before, the producers told us that Dana would be talking to us all the next day. I knew it wasn’t good and that I was most likely gone. The worst part was the incident was an eye opener and I realized that although my antics were getting me face time, I had lost track of why I was there. I talked to BJ the next day and even tried trained before Dana’s “announcement”. Too little too late. Dana had another one of his speeches and it was very much his personality. He takes this seriously and it showed. Watching it was the first time I got to hear everything he was saying. It sunk in even more that I had made a HUGE mistake.

Bringing Emerson back. I'm glad that Dana brought Rob back. He deserved it and it made sense. I was glad that at the very least my exit gave Em another shot.

In retrospect I would have done things a LOT different. I just wasn’t thinking about the repercussions, just getting face time. Getting on air time superceded doing my job. It cost me, but I learned SO much about myself and what I need to do for my career. That isn’t the end of me and I'm still with the UFC. I told BJ and all the guys this the day that Dana had his “announcement,” “I'm not talking about it anymore, just let my actions from this point prove my worth.” Will I show up like I can and should for my next fight? Only time will tell. I will say, I haven't been this motivated in my career in a LONG time. I have a phenomenal team that believes in me and I believe in myself. I just have to prove myself now. Its a long road, but one that I'll travel.

Updated Friday, April 27, 2007 - 5:40 p.m.

Weems. From the beginning it was apparent that Wayne was the weakest out of everyone on the show. A very nice guy, who I liked, but not very skilled. I spoke to BJ about fighting him BEFORE Emerson fought Nate (if you watch Rob's face has no marks on it, and then in his confessional he has bruising). In my mind Emerson was going to win his fight and the ball would be in our court. I was talking to one of the producers about strategy and it made sense to take the easiest path to the finals. After Emerson's fight, I went up to him and said that his performance reminded me of why I fight and that I didn't care who I fought. A side note. The TV version of Em's and Nates fight just didn't do it justice. When it was live it was phenomenal.

Melendez's weight. I knew he was having a hard time and I really felt for him when he was cutting weight. He looked like a skeleton and at one point we thought he wasn't going to make it. People that have never cut weight will never know what a daunting task it is. Its by FAR the worst thing about fighting.

The Tall Tale that is Marlon Sims. He had the most RIDICULOUS stories. Tall tales probably don't do them justice. He was hit by a car, the car was totaled and he walked 4 miles to the hospital. Nothing human can hurt him. Walked into a casino and won $5K with one quarter and was paid ON THE SPOT. His girlfriend is a Dr...No wait, a nurse...No, is in nursing school . That was another thing, he couldn't keep his stories correct either. Could they be true? Hmmmmm........

Andy's fight. I knew from the get go what he was going to do. I really like Andy, but he doesn't listen at all. A black belt in BJJ, and trains with some of the best wrestlers in the world, and he still stands and trades punches, WITH A BETTER STRIKER. It was really frustrating to be there and see it unfold again. At one point he had us all fooled and I thought he MIGHT just do what he said. He didn't. BJ was REALLY pissed off and rightfully so. This was a fight Andy could have won and decisively, but chose not to and our team was then down 0-4.

Updated Friday, April 20, 2007 - 11:10 a.m.

Wow! I even outdo myself some times. This episode gets right to my weight theme. I'm called on my antics by Tony our wrestling coach and Gray also comments on it. They are right. I was trying to be the antagonist, I was trying to get camera time. In retrospect, I feel I could have done it in a different way, but I had a game plan. Its kind of hard watching myself in that light and even worse with the Dramatic editing. Ahh..... Reality TV and it not being reality. I remember talking to Gray when I decided to do the colonic. I raised both of my hands in a weighing motion and said “self respect or more camera time, what is worth more.” We both laughed as I raised my hand to camera time. The procedure itself is uncomfortable, and not enjoyable at all. I did however get more camera time because of it.

Cory’s antics are great. Besides the first time he got in my face (funny back story, we were both the first ones up on team pick day. We were in the hot tub and talking. He told me about his family and how much respect he had for those of us that have already fought in the UFC. We then were joking around in the van together over to the gym. He puts the shirt on and instantly gets “CRAZY”), he never even hinted that he had an issue with me. As a matter of fact, after his little outburst back at the house, he walked up to me and said "it's just for the camera.” I actually think he was one of the guys who figured that drama makes you recognizable. Good for you Corey, ARF ARF!!

Nate isn't homophobic, but he was VERY pissed off when anyone did anything he perceived as gay. NO ONE in the house was gay, but EVERYONE was bored out of their minds. People will never know what the house was like. Boredom is not descriptive enough. We seriously would be going out of our minds and then start doing stupid shit, just to battle monotony. There was a lot of other antics that they haven’t shown, but they could always add it in later. Constant boredom makes people, especially fighters, do unusual things.

Nate picked Emerson to fight. At first I was really excited for this fight. Em was the guy on our team that I thought was the toughest. Good stand up, good takedown defense, and decent ground. I really thought it was his fight to win. Nate is as tough as they come and I knew he was the toughest guy on Pulver's team. This was a great match up.

The fight itself was great. It was a little inspiring and put me back in the fighting mind frame. I talked to Em afterwards and honestly said the fight was inspirational. Both guys put it on the line and fought with everything. It was hard seeing Em lose, but it also showed how dangerous Nate was. I think Emerson has always had an issue really letting it go. If he would have really let go in the first I think the fight might have gone a different way.

Updated Friday, April 13, 2007 - 2:45 p.m.

Episode 2, I really thought over all that it was entertaining. People are complaining that there is TOO much drama this season, but in reality, thats what sells REALITY TV. Allen comes back after we thought he had been ousted from the show. It actually put a lot of people at ease, and made everyone realize that win or lose, you were staying on the show.

The house was a scene of constant boredom. No books, music, TV, internet, ANYTHING. You get bored and try your best to entertain yourself. Emerson saw two girls on horses and him and myself decided to investigate. We were told explicitly, not to leave the premises, but they didn’t say anything about TALKING to people over the wall! LOL! We asked the girls to come around front, but didn’t even consider for an instant that one of them would try to gallop up to the front door. No traction and the horse took a solid spill. I liked that everyone in the house decided to make a cohesive effort to go against producers rules and go outside to help. The horse was fine, but we got an OFF Camera reaming from the producers. Lesson learned.

Wiman and Myself. I didn't like the guy before the show and can say without a doubt, I left HATING him. The editing made me out to be the bad guy, and to an extent, is fair. Look, I knew the cameras were on, and I KNOW that drama sells. It's even easier to sell it when you genuinely don’t like someone. I could sit here and air out ALL of Wiman’s dirty laundry, but I'll refrain. Lets just say Ex Teammates of his, Coaches, Producers from the show, and myself cant ALL be wrong about the guy. Remember, editing is key and they can make ANYONE look the way they want.

Fight in the house. It was crazy. Things got heated and it got kind of blown out of proportion. I remember not even knowing what Nate was talking about for a few minutes because I didn't even pay attention to what Emerson wrote on the wall. Manny got REALLY MAD. He is a good guy and I liked him, but he lost it. He was crying and at one point started ranting about how it was an attack on Armenia, his native country. Another thing people won't ever be able to understand is the level of stress the situation we were in causes.

Noah and Manny’s fight. I like Noah and I still consider him a good friend. I just had a bad feeling about this fight from the get go. Manny has an in your face style and I knew his ground was better. Jens made a great decision with his first two match ups.

My thoughts over all. Look, it's TV. It may be reality TV, but it is nothing close to REALITY. The personalities you see are not a representation of who any of us are. Footage is taken for 6 weeks and altered, moved (perfect example, the horse thing happened in the first week, me crying in the 2nd), modified to make a DRAMATIC show. I think it worked great and so far, even if I wasn’t on this episode I would be watching!

Stay tuned because this ride gets even better!

Gabe Ruediger can be contacted through his website at www.gabegodzilla.com or his MySpace page at www.myspace.com/gabegodzilla.